Category: Humor

Was Pumped to Find This One

I’ve seen a few Jesus memes down through the years. Came across this one this week, which was brand new to me. Filled me with holy laughter.

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the whey, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.

Isaiah 30:21

Stick with Gold Standard. This is the whey.

Now a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was an eloquent man, competent in the Scriptures. He had been instructed in the whey of the Lord. And being fervent in spirit, he spoke and taught accurately the things concerning Jesus, though he knew only the baptism of John.

Acts 18:24-25

Undoubtedly Apollos was also quite buff.

And asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus, so that if he found any belonging to the Whey, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem.

Acts 9:2

Paul had absolutely no hope of bringing those men and women in bound.

But when some became stubborn and continued in unbelief, speaking evil of the Whey before the congregation, he withdrew from them and took the disciples with him, reasoning daily in the hall of Tyrannus.

Acts 19:9

Paul left those puny naysayers to their own devices.

About that time there arose no little disturbance concerning the Whey.

Acts 19:23

Demetrius, a silversmith in Ephesus, was insanely jealous of the gains being made by the apostles, and thus stirred up a riot against them.

Commit your whey to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.

Psalm 37:5

The Lord is my strength and my shield.

They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.”

But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.”

Nehemiah 6:9

Didn’t change that one.

Lord, hear my prayer.

Kinda Morbid

Photo by Amaury Gutierrez on Unsplash

In the spiritual formation class that I teach we explore different approaches to prayer.

Most of my students are familiar with extemporaneous spoken prayer and liturgical prayer. Fewer are familiar with the Jesus Prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me [a sinner].” This prayer is most commonly associated with the Eastern Orthodox Tradition and is said to trace back to the Desert Mothers and Fathers of the 5th century, but biblically you can say its origins rest in Mark 10:46-52, when Bartimaeus cried out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

I asked my students for other short, memorizable prayers that are familiar to them.

Some said, “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food. Amen.”

Others, to the tune of “The Theme from Superman:”

“We thank You Lord for giving us food (put one hand in the air), We thank You Lord for giving us friends (put the other hand in the air), (with both hands up swaying back and forth like flying) For giving us food, for giving us friends (hands up standing still) We thank You Lord, (both hands to hips in superhero pose). Amen.”

And still others cited examples from the Bible like The Lord’s Prayer or Praying the 23rd Psalm.

But one of my students raised his hand and said, “I know it’s kinda morbid, but…’Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.'”

Slowly, I replied, “Yeah, I think I know that one. It’s from a Metallica song.”

Bad Timing

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

A good stylist is hard to find.

Yesterday I stopped off at my local haircut chain. I’ve identified a couple of people on the staff at this location who do a great job. I’ve identified one person who doesn’t. As luck would have it, when I walked in, the fates aligned, I had a decision to make. Do I roll the dice one more time, advocate for my next best cut, pray to God I’ll be spared bad lines and uneven layers, risk numerous missed strands of hair I’ll later have to cut myself, and then likely visit a different stylist for a major fix a few days hence?

I didn’t have the energy. I walked back out the door.

Getting your haircut shouldn’t feel like playing Russian roulette. But for me, sadly, some days, it does.

When You Want the Preacher to Move On

Image by Albrecht Fietz from Pixabay

I’ve been poking around the Paul Powell Legacy Library, an online resource that contains audio, video, and writings from the aforementioned Texas Baptist preacher, who served as pastor of Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas for seventeen years. Paul was and continues to be an influential person in my life.

One of those audio files is called, “Funny Stories I Like to Tell.” The audio runs forty five minutes. That’s a lot of jokes.

Paul sets up one of these jokes by inviting the people of Park Cities Baptist Church in Dallas, whom Paul was then serving as interim, to pray for the pulpit committee. Paul said that it is harder to get rid of a preacher than it is to find one, and that’s why it is important to call a good one, and to pray for those who are responsible for the search.

Paul then said:

A church had a pompous preacher they wanted to get rid of. They prayed that he would leave. They recommended him everywhere. But no one would call him.

Finally he received a call to be a pastor in another place. The Sunday he resigned he said, “When I came here five years ago, Jesus led me here. And now Jesus is leading me away.”

When he was finished the chairman of the deacons stood and said, “Let’s all sing, ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus.’”

Brother Paul was known for his sense of humor, and even compiled a number of his jokes in a book, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Retirement.

I think humor is such an indispensable quality to look for in a leader, not only for the capacity to make others laugh, but in the ability to laugh at your own goofs, mess ups, and mistakes. When I find a good joke, I like to hang on to it.

And to tell it.