Kinky’s Texas-Style Decalogue

  1. Thou shalt hold no other state or country above Texas.
  2. Thou shalt worship the shape of the Lone Star State and thou shalt make everything in its image, from Texas-shaped pasta to Texas-shaped swimming pools.
  3. Thou shalt have no other sport but football and no other professional team but the Cowboys.
  4. Thou shalt own as many guns as thou dog hast fleas.
  5. Honor thy styling gel, for it shall bring you great big hair.
  6. Thou shalt say the word “Texas” as much as thee can, even when it is redundant to do so. For example, Austin should be said, “Austin, Texas,” even if thee standeth on the Capital steps beneath a sign that says, “Austin, Texas.” Fear not overuse of the word “Texas” for such a thing is not possible.
  7. Thou shalt keep Friday night sacred for that is when thy high school football team playest. Schedule not births, weddings, funerals, or baptisms on this holy day, for Friday nights are reserved to paint thy face in team colors and feast on roasted turkey legs during halftime.
  8. Honor thy dog, for he will be loyal unto thee even when the oil wells dry up and the last beer is consumed.
  9. Thou shalt consume no other carbonated beverage but Dr Pepper.
  10. Thou shalt not covet they neighbor’s mud flaps.

– Kinky Friedman, “If the Ten Commandments were Written by a Texan…”, Texas Hold’em: How I Was Born in a Manger, Died in the Saddle, and Came Back as a Horny Toad, 119-120

I was doing fine until number ten. Then, I was toast.

Like what you read? Become a patron.

Discern, then Respond

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.